"...like it or not..."
Being pregnant while my husband is deployed is the worst part of it all. I was about 16 weeks along when he was deployed, I am now 25 weeks. I didn't even know the sex yet. She was a blessing, but was it the right timing? There are just so many feelings and emotions that come with being pregnant, and your husband being deployed on top of that. I not only feel sympathy for myself and my own reasons but for my husband. He has to miss EVERYTHING, and I know that's a big burden to him. Every time she kicks or moves I wish he could be here to experience it with me. I hate that the only way he sees the ultasound pictures is if I e-mail them to him or put them on facebook. I know he'd much rather be at the doctor with me right beside me. Just like yesterday I had an ultrasound and got to see her in 3D. It was amazing, she looks just like he daddy. I hated that I didn't get to see the smile on his face when he opened that e-mail. It broke my heart. I hate knowing that he is hurting and worrying because he can't be here. The only thing that comforts me is knowing that this deployment is going to bring him so much closer to her and make him a more fantastic dad.
******
I was informed that he wouldn't be home for the birth, November 28, 2011. This news crushed me, the worst news I've recieved yet. I know this is common for a military wife to get news like this but I never thought I would get it. She is our first baby, how am I supposed to do this without him here? I am now more nervous and scared about giving birth more than I ever was before. What if i go into labor alone? What if something goes wrong? I have sat here day to day and thought up a million what if's. I try not to show him how freaked out and stressed I am about this because I don't want this to be another burden on him as well. I hate knowing that when he meets her he will already have missed so much, how does someone deal with that?
*******
I know I must pull through this not only for us but for our daughter. I need to be strong and conquer my fears just as my husband does everyday. The things we do as army wives, our constant choices, decisions, struggles, and things we give up. It is the life we have chosen to live. We now must live it, like or not.
-Audrey Ford-
I couldnt imagine having to feel all the things you feel. Your a great person n I know its hard but always think for the better! You will do great giving birth just have your family there to support you and make sure you take lots of pics & videos that way even though he cant be there he can know what it was like you know! & when your baby gets here try to make as many videos a you can for your husband! Make ways around him not being there. Make him feel like he's there in the best way you can. You seem like a great wife & you will be a soon to be GREAT mother! (;
ReplyDelete